By Sara Prech RN, NC-BC & Anastasia Prech RN, NC-BC, Holistic Wellness Coaches and
Founders of Well & Whole
We probably don’t need to explain why it’s problematic that nurses tend to make their whole life and identity about nursing, but we’ll go ahead. If you’ve been a nurse for any length of time you know that there’s a longstanding conversation about what type of nurse you are, if you’re a “real nurse,” as well as less than helpful implications about what that means about your worth as one.
It’s rarely questioned, and why not? There’s so much incentive for the system when this is where you get your sense of worth and how you define your identity. It causes you to do things like pick up overtime without question, skip your breaks, sacrifice your wellbeing, and just plain generally set yourself on fire to keep others warm. All just to be “a good nurse.”
And you know what? That leads to burnout like nobody’s business, and we’re beyond over it! It’s not going to happen over night, but here’s how you can detach your worth and identity from your nursing career.
Shift from External to Internal Validation
As nurses, we’re conditioned to seek external validation - meaning we love, and often overly rely on, the recognition that comes from others telling us how well we’re doing, how hard we’re working, or what a “good nurse” we are. This is so ingrained in nursing culture and we see it in our own clients from the bedside all the way to the c-suite.
So how can you make the shift?
Detach from what’s outside your control
This is particularly important in the areas of self worth, and what brings you joy.
Results, compensation, feedback, being needed, putting fires out, etc. These are all things that are, to varying degrees, outside of your control. These are also things we’re used to assigning a lot of meaning to in terms of how worthy we feel about ourselves. Appreciate your own efforts and show gratitude when you get commendation, but be careful about how much importance you’re attaching to it.
Reconnect to what’s inside of you and inside of your control
In contrast to what’s outside your control, what’s totally within it is your willingness to show up and try, the effort you put in, trusting the process, your own creativity, your ability to innovate, your attitude, and your mindset. These are all things that you can appreciate and focus on instead.
Do the Inner Work and Create a Better Relationship with Yourself
Okay so what exactly is “the inner work” that you’ve probably heard about but never felt was tangible? We define the inner work as a mix of your mental, emotional, and aspirational wellness. How do you get started?
Begin by building a deeper relationship with yourself. Sounds basic, but how well do you really know yourself? How often do you spend time in deep reflection about who you truly are, what’s really important to you, and whether or not your life is turning out how you actually want it to? In the busyness of attempting to balance your shifts, your family and friends, and your home, we bet this isn’t something that always takes priority.
Prioritize taking care of yourself. Period. End of sentence. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish and it isn’t a reward, it's a basic necessity. You need to fill your cup first before you can give to anyone else. If you feel that your well being always needs to come last, even if it’s been normalized by your work or others , remember that’s not normal at all. Take it as a sign that there’s more of the inner work to be done!
Allow yourself to fully feel ALL of your feelings. This is a tough one, so bear with us. So often we overwork, allow ourselves to be constantly distracted, or we self sabotage in other ways to prevent ourselves from feeling uncomfortable things. The other thing? As nurses, we often look like we have it all together, and the appearance of success we project can backfire and make us feel like we’re totally ungrateful if we aren’t happy and positive all the time. Start by taking some time to slow down, reflect, and journal about your feelings. Know that you’re whole and it’s totally okay for all types of feelings to co-exist.
Now it’s time to think about your thoughts. Pay attention to the language you use to talk about yourself and even your thoughts themselves. Your subconscious is literally always listening to you, and you’re often deeply affected by things you don’t even realize. Examine your past programming around things like identity, worth, and success. Take stock of the things you heard growing up, what was modeled for you, and the origin of those beliefs. See if your way of thinking is supportive to your current and future goals. If not, know that you have the power to shift, re-write, and reprogram your thoughts to make it happen!
Focus on Fulfillment Outside of Work
This is the most underrated of all, but hear us out! You need to have hobbies, passions, and things in your life that bring you joy that literally have NOTHING to do with your nursing career. These things are so important for detaching yourself from work, managing and reducing stress, and even allowing yourself to get into flow states. These things actually create energy instead of taking it. They create excitement and leave you feeling inspired.
Create a practice of what we call “sustainable joy,” or small moments that you can enjoy daily or at least a few times per week. Most of us are not used to this and instead focus far too much on the big things. We fall into the trap of chasing the big wins and the big highs like fancy vacations and spa days, and yet we struggle with the small things like romanticizing our daily lives.
One thing we do with our clients? We actually create lists with our of things they enjoy that are different sizes, so to speak, and we create a toolbox. We experiment with it and find what works for them in small ways because it has to be sustainable, repeatable, and accessible at any time.
So, as a nurses’ week gift to yourself, there’s no better time to get started to detach your identity and worth from your nursing career! Shifting from focusing on external to internal validation, doing the inner work, and finding fulfillment and joy outside of work will help you so much more than you can even imagine. You are your best investment, and you are worthy as you are, right now, just because of being yourself.
Our personal nurses week gift to you? Sara and I would be honored to offer you, the readers of The Supported Nurse, 2 free coaching sessions to help you implement everything we have written about here. We know there’s a lot of good stuff in here, and we also know that even if it’s called the “inner” work, you’re not meant to do it alone! Here’s a link to book - https://l.bttr.to/mv1bX
AUTHOR BIO
Stacy and Sara are board certified nurse coaches (NC-BCs) and co-founders of Well and Whole, an international coaching business dedicated to the inner work of wellness. They help high achievers hone self trust, redefine success, and create the life of joy and fulfillment they’ve been dreaming of.
@saraandstacy
© 2024 The Supported Nurse
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