Breaking up with the ICU can be hard to do
Hi RNs!
Over the past few years, I've had conversations with several RNs, notably ICU RNs, who struggled with the idea of leaving their position. A high percentage of them found it tough even though they recognized they needed to move on. These conversations and my own personal experience gave me the idea to write this article.
Have you ever found it difficult to determine that it may be time to switch roles at work? What is driving this thought process? Were you like me when you started to experience "checking out" and disinterest in your ICU position? Or were your signs different?
Either way, having this inner debate can be a HUGE stressor. It was for me (raised hand here). I had the professional goal to work in an ICU since I was an RN student; I wanted to be that awesome ICU RN I deeply admired in school. How could I ever choose to walk away from a position that I had worked SO hard to gain experience, put in the sweat (literally), tears (yup), and time (YEARS-8.5 to be exact) to become a "veteran" ICU RN? Doctors trusted me and listened when I spoke. I was a good ICU RN. I was great, dang it! And I had a fantastic work team and RN manager. They were my work family. Emphasis on work family. Why would I ever want to leave?
Here is my story on realizing a critical life lesson: There's a reason for a season.
Despite that goal to be an ICU RN my entire career, my personal goals outside of work changed. When I started as an ICU RN, I was dating my now-husband. We did not have kids yet; I had free time (omg, the FREE time before kids!) to decompress, and the work hours didn't faze my personal life (I could stay up to any hour, wake up whenever I wanted). I had a self-designated "me day" post my whole "week on" where I would not talk to anyone on the phone (because you're just that mentally, physically, and emotionally EXHAUSTED after seven days in a row, 10 hour shifts). 7/70’ers- you know what Monday on our off week looked like. What changed my perspective?
The ICU schedule no longer fit my personal life, and I also experienced ICU burnout. ICU burnout deserves its own separate blog, so I won't elaborate on that now. Insert one kid: I didn't get home until midnight during my "on week." A baby waking up at 5:30am now kick-started my mornings. I managed "ICU mom life" with one child for almost a year, but it was tough. A year later, I switched to a day shift position (no more working until 2300) and also went part-time. This schedule made a big difference for about 1.5 years. Then we had another baby; it became much more difficult with two. The schedule was chaotic with the long hours. Can I quickly pause to stop and applaud single parents? KUDOS TO YOU! While parenting is undoubtedly rewarding, this role is challenging. The older they grew, the more they became involved in activities. At times the hours required in the ICU didn't allow me to attend. Did I mention I have a severe cause of FOMO (fear of missing out)? It should be listed in my PMH. I didn't and don't want to miss out on anything they did (my personal goal is to be there most of the time). Insert me with the phone taking pictures at school/sports events; I'm that mom. We all make sacrifices as Nurses/working parents no matter our schedule, but I started dreading my work weekend and work holidays (which are more frequent in the ICU/inpatient setting). The required hours took me away from where I wanted to be, with my family. I loved critical care, but my heart was no longer in it. It weighed down my family life.
Insert inner struggle again: how could I leave my love of ICU (not to mention a fabulous work team including RNs, MDs, RTs, I could go on and on)? Was I up for the challenge of hanging up my ICU RN badge to be a "newbie" on a different unit all over again? Did I want to lose my seniority and start at the bottom again? AND learn another and different aspect of Nursing?
Absolutely! But it didn't happen overnight; in fact, it took a couple of years. I admit I went through a mourning period before I decided to leave the ICU. I grieved, and I grieved hard. I went through various emotional responses; I was sad, guilted myself into not "being the mom who could do anything," mourned the loss of my coworkers, and compared myself with other parent coworkers. This comparison to others is a bad habit because everyone's situation is different, so don't do it. Also, sometimes there's the mentality that "the best and the smartest RNs work in the ICU" (this is not true). I felt like I had something to prove to myself. But when I focused on my end goal: better hours and more time with family, the choice became easy, and I stopped grieving and became excited about something new. The burden of leaving was lifted.
So, for probably a year, I started watching internal postings within my hospital. Over the years, I have come to know several employees throughout the hospital, so I have "work friends" throughout various departments. So, I spoke with these coworkers and sent a few emails. Through a job posting and emailing a "work friend," I finally found a position that perfectly suited my life and work interests. Either way, you CAN find something if you look long and hard enough, but realizing it's time to move on can be trickier. I have a great work/life balance and love my current position. My experience is likely much different from others, but the important message here is that it's OK to change jobs if you feel like work is no longer fitting your life. You are not married to your job. Sometimes the personal sacrifices someone makes for a job no longer fits; it becomes a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. One unique part about being an RN is that you can switch jobs and we have so many options.
I have seen coworkers STRUGGLE over the idea of leaving for a new position or job because they envisioned themselves "being here forever." This doesn't apply just to the ICU, it can be any department. They are burned out yet they guilt themselves, which creates a negative emotional and mental toll; I've seen some struggle for years. Well, life changes, and so do you. Ask yourself, "Is work serving me?" If it's not, it might be time to move on. Permit yourself to leave when your job no longer serves you, with emphasis on YOU. And do it! Remember that life is a continuum, change is constant, including work/personal life, and sometimes there is a reason for a season. As for the one coworker that I witnessed struggle for years? They finally switched, and they are GLOWING in their new role. A weight was lifted off their shoulders-literally. I wish they, along with myself, would have permitted themself to do it sooner. Yes, you will survive and I promise you'll be happier.
Have you switched jobs in a unit or role after a long time? Was it easy or difficult? Did your unit have the "you can't leave the ICU/ED because this is 'where all the best and smartest RNs work'" culture mentality? I was shocked to find how many RNs have experienced that through conversation.
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Brooke RN
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